When I fall in love, I always argue more fiercely after marriage. After three days of the Cold War, my husband wants me to kneel down and admit my mistake

My story goes like this:

We are college classmates dating, and I am a single parent with an average family background. His family is very poor, and his parents always argue with each other due to their disharmony. We have a strong sense of shared destiny.

Everyone around us is not optimistic about us, not because of the significant differences in living areas, family backgrounds, and economic levels, but because they believe that their thinking is difficult to communicate with others and always believe that they are reasonable. I have been used to having a bad temper by my mother since childhood, not paying attention to the way and attitude when speaking, and having a tough tone. He has a sensitive and cautious personality, saying that I don't understand him. We always argue and break up several times, but we still get married.

After getting married, our quarrel mode is still the same as before. When we argue, he will not speak or pay attention to me, and even give birth for three days. I must apologize before we can reconcile. After giving birth to a child, there was even more uproar over their education. Every time I say that I have caused trouble, that I don't understand his thinking well, and I even criticize him.

This argument lasted for three more days, and he even made me kneel down, saying that only by kneeling down can I realize how much I have hurt his emotions by repeatedly criticizing him, and only then can I realize my mistakes and completely repent.

Now my heart is cold and I remember how I used to be unable to persuade each other in every communication, and now I'm even too lazy to communicate with him again and don't want to see him. But the child is still young, and it would be pitiful without a father or mother. I am really in a dilemma, unsure what to do?

reply:

1. Emotion is something that can be seen from the sidelines sometimes. Therefore, in the process of choosing a marriage or relationship, others' opinions cannot be completely ignored, let alone directly hitting their parents' suggestions with a stick. Although this is an era of free marriage and love, and more people are accustomed to my marriage being my own choice, don't forget that everyone is responsible for their own choices to the end. When you are not fully confident and cannot see clearly, please choose carefully.

2. For some people, arguing is often a way of communication, and they may get used to it while getting tired of it. I'm not sure what your mentality was at the beginning? From arguing before marriage to arguing after marriage, it seems that you have exhausted your energy. In that case, don't argue with him. The most important thing for two people to communicate is to calmly solve the problem, rather than venting anger on each other. Choosing to be together is not about treating each other as enemies or enemies. Originally, we were meant to be lovers. Since we came together through love, we must communicate through love.

3. It's rare for you to know where your shortcomings are, even if you don't know. If you are clear about the existence of your shortcomings, you must let yourself correct them. The best weapon for women to deal with men is gentleness. Therefore, please restrain your bad temper, maintain a friendly attitude, and speak with kindness. You happen to meet a man who is prone to sulking. If he is a quick tempered person, you may not be able to make it through today. So, don't just blame him for being cautious. He has a sensitive personality, so you need to know how to take into account his self-esteem and not speak too hard. Smart women should know how to communicate with each other according to their preferences, and don't try to be stubborn. Couples need to adapt together. Since they have been adapting to each other for these years, they will not be unclear in their hearts. Since they know that the other person is unwilling to accept a certain situation, Why bother asking for trouble and suffering? More tolerance and understanding is the king of marriage management.

4. Your husband asked you to kneel down to show your regret. It's a bit excessive, but from another perspective, it could also be that you drove him crazy, otherwise he wouldn't have made such an excessive request. You may indeed have deeply hurt him, and you need to reflect on yourself more, find your own shortcomings in life, rather than easily develop feelings of withdrawal. Choosing to end the marriage must be the last resort. As long as there is a glimmer of vitality in marriage, one should still strive for it. The initiative to strive for a better marriage lies with oneself, starting from oneself. Believe that you have achieved it yourself, and the other party will also change accordingly. If the outcome is the opposite, you will have to choose the last resort. In short, if the marriage has not reached a point where it cannot continue, don't rush out. If it has reached a point where it cannot continue, don't force yourself. Before that, it's better to learn how to manage and change yourself!