When discussing marriage, my fianc é suddenly had a 4-year-old son that made me collapse

I am 33 years old this year. My fianc é e and I have been together for almost three years. He has always been very kind to me. I think he is usually kind and has good interpersonal relationships with others. He has a good personality and is also good to my parents. Recently, we have been discussing getting married and preparing for the wedding, but at this very moment, he told me something that I never expected, which made me collapse and unable to accept.

It turned out that he actually has a 4-year-old illegitimate child now, and the child is with his parents. This child was born to him and his ex girlfriend, but since I met him, he has not told me about this matter. I feel that I was deceived by him. I argued with him about this matter, and he said that he has already told you about it now?

I'm really struggling right now, don't know what to do? If I break up with him because of this matter, I still feel reluctant and unwilling to part with him, after all, we have been together for two or three years, and we still feel good about each other and have a certain emotional connection; Don't break up, I really can't accept it in my heart, there's always a feeling of being deceived. The most crucial thing is that I have been pregnant for over two months now, and this is my first pregnancy. When I was in the hospital for a check-up, the doctor also reminded me that I have some gynecological diseases, such as ovarian cysts, and I should cherish and value this pregnancy. If this child doesn't want it, the likelihood of getting pregnant again in the future is extremely low. I am really in pain now, what should I do? Can you give me some suggestions?

reply:

1. You and your fianc é have been together for several years, and it's unclear what you know about him when you're with him. Women, don't just focus on the surface of a man, be sure to go deep into his heart, touch his soul through the surface. Is this man hiding too deep, or do you lack a sensitive and discovering heart? Perhaps you won't admit that your IQ is problematic, but such a person is clearly your own choice.

2. For this man, using the label of a scammer to define him may not be unfair, right? At least, this person is not honest and straightforward enough. They keep such a big thing from their girlfriend, and when they first got along with you, they never mentioned it. Now that we are about to have a wedding, we can tell you that his intentions are very calculating. He is far from as simple and good as you imagine and describe. You, I'm afraid you can't fight him!

3. Your problem is indeed thorny, and for now, both advance and retreat are very painful. How to make a decision? Perhaps it can only be the lesser of the two harms. At this point, you need to calmly and rationally ask yourself, do you feel that children are more important or marriage is more important? What I mean is, if you feel that you cannot live without your own child and don't want to miss the opportunity to be a mother, then you choose to give birth to this child. As for the father of the child, if you can accept him, you can accept him. If you can't accept him, you can also choose a stepfather for the child, not necessarily having to be with the biological father of the child. Of course, if you still feel that you can't accept this and feel that giving birth to a child is a burden that will affect your choices for future happiness, then you can only be ruthless and take a gamble, and perhaps there may not be a possibility of getting pregnant again in the future.

4. Life is originally full of gambling, and no one's life is 100% risk-free. Since the cruel reality has already been presented to us, we can only choose to face it with strength. In the short term, it is natural to postpone the preparation for the wedding and make early plans. After all, the children in your belly are not waiting for others. I hope you can make rational choices in life. Think carefully about the pros and cons. On the one hand, is this man in front of you still worth cherishing? He deceived you so much that you can live with him for a lifetime with peace of mind? And you also have to face the preparation of being a stepmother as soon as you enter the door. You only have to think it out in your heart before making the final choice.