"If it is allowed to spread like pop music and turn from minority fun to mass fun, more people will be lost in this relationship."
The trend of cohabitation is irreversible
The famous philosopher Russell said in his book "Marriage and Morality" that a man and a woman get married without sexual experience, just like a house buyer only sees his house on the day he wants to move. What should he do if it is inappropriate?
It is with this mentality that unmarried cohabitation has become a choice for many young people before marriage from an objectionable matter. Many people regard it as a battlefield to declare war on traditional marriage and claim to have realized the "convenience" it brings: older young people living together without marriage can better understand each other, and life has become more economical; The purpose of college students' cohabitation outside school is to solve sexual needs and find the feeling of home in advance; Middle-aged people after divorce are very cautious about remarriage, so they use cohabitation to test their hearts; In rural areas, because they only recognize the wedding ceremony and do not care about legal registration, there are also a large number of unmarried cohabitants; There are also those with ulterior motives who have a spouse but still live with others, just for temporary pleasure.
But Professor Luo believes that: "The prevalence of cohabitation has an important relationship with the loosening of the concept of marriage in the whole society. Especially after the first batch of only children have gradually entered the age of marriage, their marriage concept is more open and more casual, they no longer regard marriage as a sacred contract, do not want to be bound by the marriage relationship, and are afraid of the damage caused by failed marriage. Although their family background is different, many people finally go to the same path: premarital cohabitation."
"From a global perspective, the trend of cohabitation is irreversible, but quite a lot of people do not know it clearly. It can be seen from their inability to distinguish between trial marriage and cohabitation."
Poor satisfaction of cohabitation relationship
In China, the study of cohabitation has not yet been systematic, but since the late 1980s, two professors, David Popenor and Barbara D Whitehead, have studied cohabitation for 10 years at Rogers University in New Jersey.
Professor Luo said that their report revealed that the divorce rate of marriage formed by cohabitation was 46% higher than that of marriage formed without cohabitation. Couples who live together for a longer time before marriage are more likely to think of divorce, and their sexual relationship is also fragile. Moreover, the longer the cohabitation time is, the more independent the two parties will pursue, and the more reluctant to be bound by marriage, so the greater the possibility of never getting married, and the higher the rate of rupture of the cohabitation relationship than that of the marriage relationship.
”The phenomenon of cohabitation is so common that the media should take some responsibility. Because today's film and television works exaggerate the phenomenon of divorce, domestic violence and emotional betrayal, and lack the description of a long life together, which will make more young people fear marriage and choose to cohabit. "
There are essential differences between cohabitation and trial marriage
Cohabitation is risky, and most cohabitants agree. However, many young people still feel that "cohabitation is a trial marriage, which not only understands each other's likes and dislikes, but also saves living expenses, and also learns how to manage marriage." According to the survey, most young people think cohabitation before marriage is a good idea.
Professor Luo stressed that there are essential differences between cohabitation and trial marriage: first of all, there is no marriage commitment between cohabitants. If there is disagreement, it will be divided. However, the trial marriage partners all hold the common goal of eventually moving towards marriage and will try to maintain their relationship like real couples.
Secondly, because there is no subjective desire to pursue marriage, once cohabitants encounter problems, it will increase the sense of loss and even lead to violent conflicts. In recent years, the abuse of children born out of wedlock by cohabiting partners has become a special social problem. Domestic statistics show that the problem of violence between cohabiting partners is far more than domestic violence. Unlike the trial marriage, the pursuit of marriage goals can make the relationship more resilient.
In addition, both parties in the cohabitation relationship pay more attention to their independence and personal interests. Under the cloak of "living together", there are two independent individuals. However, those who try to marry have the desire to communicate with each other. They will try to promote the matching degree of the two and seek to establish a more stable world of two.
Professor Luo asked: "With such a big difference in nature, how can we learn marriage experience from cohabitation? Reality tells us that the more cohabitation relationships a person experiences, the easier it is to choose cohabitation instead of marriage."