My husband and I have been married for two years, and our child is just one year old. In the morning, I looked at his mobile phone and found out that he was cheating. We are currently discussing divorce.
My first reaction was to divorce after cheating. "He said yes, he had long wanted to leave, but it had nothing to do with this woman. They were just playing.". The reason for divorce is that living in my home is too depressing, my mother is strong, and I don't wash, cook, and warm him up. He feels that none of this is what he wants. I actually understand his depression because he is lazy and stingy. In the face of my strong mother, I can't get along with her myself, let alone him. I also admit that I don't rely on him for everything. "But he thinks that men shouldn't do housework, and I definitely can't get used to it. This is a contradiction that often occurs in daily life.". I can see his sadness, but we still have two or three months to move out. I believe everything will be better, and I can slowly change him. But at this moment, it happened, and my dreams were shattered.
"He was so determined to divorce, but after calming down, I didn't want to leave because I felt there was still hope that moving out would change.". "However, in my heart, I feel that dogs cannot change their habits. I have no trust in him anymore. He is busy at work and often comes home late. In the future, I cannot rest assured to wait for him at home.".
What should I do now? "How I wish he could hold me and say he was wrong, that we wouldn't divorce, and that he could have confidence in the future.". But he just felt relieved. On the other hand, I don't think I can trust him in my life. By the way, since we had children, our married life has not been successful, and neither side has been satisfied. "He said that with such depression in his family and the inability of his husband and wife to release him, he would sooner or later be unable to bear it.". This is indeed the case now. Please give me some advice, thank you!
reply:
1. Objectively speaking, as a husband and wife, you really need to take care of and consider your husband's inner feelings and needs. A man is a face-loving animal, and it is inevitable that he will feel condescending in front of your powerful mother. Although you are only temporarily living in exile, his inner oppression will make him want to flee at any time.
2. In fact, it doesn't matter if your mother releases some negative emotions towards him or doesn't treat him very well, but you mustn't ignore him or let him lack the care and warmth from you. Even if you can't wash and cook for him, you should also have the minimum care and care for him. Regular encouragement and praise will make a man willing to serve you, because he can feel a sense of respect, care, and comfort in his heart.
3. Regarding housework, a woman must not completely do it as a shopkeeper. She can ask a man to help you share it, but she cannot force him to do this or that in a commanding tone. This will strongly stimulate a man's rebellious mentality, and it will also make him deeply uncomfortable, resulting in boredom towards you. Over time, it is natural to accumulate resentment, undermine marital relationships, and threaten marital stability.
4. Also, in marriage, everyone is not used to change, but to adapt and compromise. No one in this world can change anyone, the only thing you can change is yourself. A wise wife does not suppress each other everywhere, but understands and tolerate each other. This is the operation of love.
5. Perhaps, your husband is not as unbearable and terrible as you imagine, but he has been suppressed by you and the reality of the situation, stabbing the sensitive nerves inside. As for you, you did not timely and effectively pacify and defuse him, leading to the idea that he was ready to divorce at any time.
6. In addition, if you only complain about the unhappiness of your married life, why doesn't this man suffer? He also bears the corresponding suffering in terms of his physiological needs. Why can't you just give him an understanding? Many times, in order to break the inherent deadlock between couples, it is necessary to communicate calmly and calmly, in order to eliminate the separation. Couples can say anything, and do not interpret the rigid situation in which they have their own affairs in mind. You are busy with yours, and I am busy with mine. If you go on like this, you either explode in silence or die in silence.
7. Currently, the child is too young to be cautious about your divorce. Moreover, divorce is not the most effective way to solve marital problems. Divorce is often a win-win choice, which can only damage the interests of both spouses. More importantly, it is the children who hurt the most. For the sake of your responsibility, your child's pity, and your past fate, please learn to dissect yourself, face up to yourself, and find your own shortcomings from it. Give each other and yourself a chance to mend their marriage. Perhaps, you will indeed turn around and regain your new life.