My husband cheated again and was discovered by me, but he didn't want a divorce and said he only liked me. But I didn't realize it was like this, he just felt ashamed of divorce. We have been married for six years and have always been noisy. Because he is very cautious and does not allow me to contact any male colleagues, even classmates, he often suspects that I have other men. I take care of my child every day, he drinks every day, comes home late, and sometimes doesn't come home at night. He doesn't like to communicate with me either. He always treats me well in front of others, but in fact, I think he's hiding himself. We had a great relationship before we got married, but why did it become like this after we got married? Teacher, what do you think I should do now to deal with our problems?
Ms. Li:
He has an affair, and he is unwilling to propose a divorce. People who have an affair may not just want a divorce. It's such a win-win situation to not get divorced and still have an affair. Why not do it? You said your husband cheated again, which shows that cheating is not the first time. If you just let him cheat, this is undoubtedly condoning him cheating again. The reason why he suspects you are different from men is that he only projects his infidelity onto you, which alleviates anxiety and avoids being criticized from the heart. He thinks you're all cheating, why can't I cheat? On the other hand, he lacks a sense of security and trust in you, resulting in an unstable foundation of your relationship and lack of confidence in your own feelings. Only then can he show special kindness to you in front of others, in order to obtain some comfort.
From your account, it can be seen that you have forgotten that you also have the right to choose. He cheated and said he only likes you and doesn't want a divorce. Obviously, he likes you well, but you seem to be waiting for him to decide. Place all hope on his transformation, his decision, which is the reason why you are so passive now. Your current confusion comes from not being sure what kind of person is suitable for you. It starts before marriage, where you feel that your relationship was good before marriage, but you haven't thought about what kind of man is suitable for marriage. For your current husband, whether he has the ability to take on the responsibility of a family after marriage, all of which need to be considered before marriage but are ignored by you. Now you need to ask yourself what you want and what kind of person you need to run a family with. If they are lacking and unable to meet your requirements, and still constantly challenge your tolerance, then you should regain your life's choices.