Post Date December, 03 2023
[Letter from readers]
My boyfriend and I have been married for two years, but we only have a wedding without a marriage certificate. In the past two years, we have also been fighting big battles and quarrelling. The most unbearable thing for me is that his mind is too small, which really makes me gasp for breath... Once, I chatted with my male classmate on WeChat. I just added my classmate, and the classmate said, "Who are you?"? I said "I'm Lily". The classmate said "Lili? Return the apple"! In fact, he knows who I am, and my name is not Lili. We are just joking. It was such a simple sentence that my boyfriend saw it, and he scolded my classmates, full of dirty words... He also ate my father's jealousy, such as: I washed my father's clothes, and if I didn't wash his clothes when my boyfriend washed them, he would say, "If you had washed your father's clothes, you would have washed them, and they said you would have to wash them". My home is a fully automatic washing machine. Washing clothes is just a matter of pressing a few buttons. Who can press it?... The other day, my uncle's mother had her birthday, which is my old nurse. After eating at the old nurse's home, I took my uncle's car and returned to our city. That day, my aunt was not at home, and went to attend the wedding in other places. I couldn't come back that day. My uncle said to me, "Don't go home. Go to my house. Your aunt is not at home. I am very scared at home.". Then I went to his house for the night. My boyfriend works in other places and doesn't live at home. Call me in the morning and I told him I didn't live at home. Who knows, he was not happy when he heard it and shouted! He also said, "What are you doing at his house? Your aunt is not at home. You live at his house. Your relationship is quite different"? As the saying goes, my father's uncle is big, and my mother's uncle is big. What's the difference between my uncle and my father? I don't know what he thinks. Is he sick! Please help me, what should I do? I'm not good at telling others. How funny it is
[Reply]
First of all, it is necessary to remind the confidant in the case that although you married your boyfriend, you can't be considered as a husband and wife in strict sense without a marriage certificate. I don't know why you didn't get a certificate because you are not old enough or because of your local habits? As far as I know, this situation is common in rural areas. You live together without a license. Although there are couples, in fact, such marriage is not protected by law. You must be clear about this.
Next, let's talk about your emotional confusion. You said that your boyfriend is too small-minded and jealous, and likes to care about some small things you think. I think there are two situations for a man to be cautious: one is that a man cares about a woman's performance. Because he cares about his wife very much and always carries her in his heart, he is more concerned and sensitive about his other half's every move; On the other hand, a man's cautious eyes are really cautious eyes. The man's small-minded and narrow-minded personality determines that he does not trust his own woman enough. In essence, he is not confident in himself, so he is prone to feel insecure, and only then shows that he is cautious and suspicious of his wife.
Therefore, from the situation of the confider in the case, her boyfriend is really a little too careful. Not only is it a matter of caution, but also his personal cultivation. When he is not used to his girlfriend's practice, he will burst into abuse instead of solving the problem through normal communication. This is very annoying. It is easy to accumulate emotional conflicts and cause emotional breakdown.
Of course, the problem is not unilateral. The speaker should also reflect on his own behavior. When you know that your boyfriend is sensitive and suspicious, you should pay more attention to his daily behavior and try not to do things that are easily misunderstood by his boyfriend. You try to avoid these situations and see what else your boyfriend can be critical of. In addition, you should also pay more attention to him. He may not feel more care from you, which leads to this kind of pickiness.
Many times, when two people are together, they improve their feelings by perfecting some details. Don't ignore the importance of details. Your seemingly insignificant behavior may be a misunderstanding and injury to the other half. Of course, the relationship between two people needs to be cultivated, tempered, understood and inclusive, but it also needs the unity of personality. If two people have too big differences in their temperament and habits, and often quarrel and contradict, it is necessary to re-examine your relationship, whether you are suitable for living together or not, and whether you can live a lifetime with such difficulties.
Fortunately, you don't have a certificate now. If it is difficult to accept each other, it is easy to separate. Of course, it is also easy to live on, that is, to temper each other and learn to compromise.
