Is your favorite wife or child?
Is your favorite husband or child?
Is parent-child important or husband and wife important?
The Bible says that people should leave their parents and unite with their wives to become one.
Love and separation are two eternal themes in life. A healthy family is full of love and knows separation.
Parents of healthy families love their children deeply and raise them not to share the result, not to stick with their children forever, but to push them out of their homes, into a wider world, and let them live an independent and independent life.
And he is bound to find a partner and have his own children. When his children grow up, he will also learn from his parents and push his children into a wider world.
Love is constantly transmitted in this cycle, from our original family to our new family.
Child, it shouldn't be your favorite
Family is the carrier of love, from parents to children, and then from children to children. However, the relationship between parents and children should not be the first in the family, but the relationship between husband and wife. In this regard, Zeng Qifeng, a well-known psychologist in China, said that the relationship between husband and wife is "the sea stabilizing needle of the family". In a family with parents-in-law, husband and wife and children living in the same family for three generations, if the relationship between husband and wife is the core of the family and has the first voice, then the family will be stable as a rock.
On the contrary, if the parent-child relationship (including parents-in-law and husband, husband and child, wife and child) takes precedence over the marital relationship, the two most common problems will arise:
1. Bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law;
2. Serious love complex.
These two points complement each other. In fact, if there is a bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a new family, it can generally be inferred that there was a bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the previous "new family". The bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law established a very close relationship with her son. For this mother-in-law, her son, not her husband, is her closest person and the person she can't give up.
So, when her son wants to separate, find a lover, and establish a new family of her own, how sad she will be as a mother-in-law. She will feel that she has lost the most important person in her life, so she will intentionally or unintentionally prevent her son from establishing the closest relationship with his wife.
As for his son, he knew before that he was the most important person in his mother's mind. For his mother, he was more important than his father. In the past, he was proud of it. Now, he wants to "repay" his mother. Therefore, he did not have the heart to "betray" his mother and establish the closest relationship with his wife.
This is the psychological secret that many mothers-in-law relationships are difficult to get along with.
On the contrary, if the most important person in the mother-in-law's mind is always the husband rather than the son, then the separation of the son is not so painful. On the contrary, she will be glad to see that her son has found his favorite person, and he can have his family and his life. At this time, the mother-in-law will bless her daughter-in-law, and her daughter-in-law and son will soon embark on the path of happiness that she and her husband have gone through.
Warm reminder:
Unhealthy family relationship model——
Mode 1: annoy the husband and love the son
Mode 2: "No" husband, love son
Mode 3: Too foolish and filial, too light on wife
What is bound to be separated is not my favorite
In order to build a healthy family system, the relationship between husband and wife must be placed in the most important position in the family. However, our cultural tradition does have such a tendency: to emphasize parent-child relationship rather than marital relationship. It seems that the relationship between husband and wife is only a tool to carry on the family line, but also a carrier to serve the elders and the younger generation.
However, no matter how much you love your parents, you will eventually leave them and live your own life. No matter how much you love your children, they will eventually leave you and live their own lives.
And your spouse is the one who really accompanies you all your life. Moreover, for the sake of parents' health, we should not be too attached to one of our parents, thinking that our relationship with him (her) is better than their relationship. For the sake of our children's health, we should not love them too much, thinking that we love them more than our spouse. Because, the most beloved of us must be the most difficult to give up. Therefore, it is bound to be abandoned. Don't let it become your favorite.
Of course, this does not mean that we should leave the most resources to our spouse. On the contrary, when the elderly and children need care, we must give them more resources. However, we must understand that our spouse is the partner who really accompanies us all our life and is our most important psychological sustenance.
If it is a son, you should say to yourself that father is the mother's favorite person, and you are not;
If you are a daughter, you should say to yourself that your mother is your father's favorite person, and you are not;
If you are a father, you should say to your daughter, I love you, but my mother can accompany me all my life;
If you are a mother, you should say to your son, I love you, but my father can accompany me all my life.
This is the way to a healthy family.