Post Date December, 03 2023
A few days ago, I saw an interesting paragraph on the Internet: "According to my analysis, the root cause of extramarital love is marriage!" This paragraph also said "quite reasonable". There is no such thing as extramarital love without marriage. High school philosophy also said that quantitative change is the necessary preparation for qualitative change, and qualitative change is the inevitable result of quantitative change, right?
1、 One-sided public opinion
The "popularity" of these extramarital love stories is not due to how correct they are, but to a large extent due to the recent article "Go out of Asia, Go to the World" Ma Yili marriage red light incident. The plot is always stereotyped, except that the hero and the heroine have a happy family, as well as lovely and obedient children. Later, somehow, the hero found a mistress and was stabbed by the entertainment record, and then the hero and the mistress were bombarded with ethics and morality. In short, the whole public opinion is one-sided, denouncing the shamelessness of the hero and the mistress, and deploring the innocence of the heroine and the children.
2、 Behavior and thoughts
Unlike other creatures on the earth, we humans generally pursue monogamy. As a leading actor who has lived in human society for at least 30 years, he will not fail to know this, and he also clearly understands that the general ethics of society will never allow him to cheat. So I think, especially in the early stage of the derailment, the article must have experienced a long or short cognitive dissonance process.
According to the cognitive dissonance theory, if people's thoughts and behaviors are uncoordinated, then either change their behaviors to match their thoughts, or change their thoughts to match their own behaviors. Obviously, the article adopted the latter, otherwise he would not have cheated. (Note that the idea here is that it is bad to betray your partner, while the behavior here is cheating.) People who cheat will feel guilty for their behavior, but they will change their cognition later, that is to say, change their original idea, and make the cheating "minor", so as to make their conscience better.
3、 Cheat yourself
Cognitive dissonance makes derailed people hate themselves, but it does not prevent some people from knowingly committing it, because they will try to change their ideas and dilute the mistake of derailment. Just like smokers know that they can cause cancer, but they will retort that "you see an old leader who smokes will not live to be 100 years old" and "the cigarettes I smoke are good and contain less harmful substances" for their own good feelings. In this way, their sense of guilt will drop and their hearts will feel much better. In fact, they are cheating their brains.
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4、 External temptation
Some people said that the article derailed because Ma Yili was too powerful, and we people who didn't know the truth naturally didn't know the inside story and were not good at commenting on it. However, properly reducing many requirements for partners and the need for self-expression (women men and strong women pay attention to it) can also better maintain marriage.
In the process of marriage, there must be many temptations from the outside world, and the threat to marriage can only be sustained by both parties. If you want to avoid the potential temptation of the outside world, not only to avoid the temptation of each other, but also to avoid the temptation of yourself, then keep the love between yourself and your partner strong enough, and invest more time and other resources in marriage, so that everyone will not be distracted by them. Research shows that the key to making your partner blind to others or subjectively reducing the attractiveness of others in your partner's eyes is to strengthen their feelings.
Finally, I wish you all a peaceful and beautiful relationship and marriage, and cherish it!
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