Post Date December, 03 2023
If you are also in a short cycle of love, first realize your inner state, whether it is a love disorder, greed disorder, or defense disorder, in order to open the first door to long-term love.
Afei always talks to me about his recent relationship with his girlfriend every time he makes a dinner date. Although it may seem like a normal conversation topic, it hides surprises and intricacies that surprise me. In fact, the female protagonist in his love story is not the same, and on average, he experiences a breakup in less than three months. In the nearly four years we have known each other, the number of people who can make him a girlfriend is close to double digits.
Michael Nast, a renowned German social observer, once said, 'My generation' is a generation that knows how to fall in love, but does not know how to love. We can all fall in love with someone, but we may not really be able to love someone. In the current era of fast-food love, by opening the mobile app application set, you can easily find dozens of dating apps. It's easy to meet the person you love, but this reason cannot be the fundamental reason for constantly falling into fleeting relationships.
Allergy sufferer: Why are you different from before?
It's easy for you to fall in love at first sight and quickly start falling in love, but after truly dating, you realize that the other person is not as good as you imagined, so you decide to break up. The above brief description of patients with autism can easily reveal the crisis they are facing - the erroneous projection of emotions.
They are very easy to impose their ideal emotional conditions on each other before they have a deep understanding of each other, wholeheartedly believing that the other person is what they imagine, and in the process of getting along, the gap between their ideals and reality becomes increasingly large, finally reaching the point of rupture.
Greedy patients: Can't love be sweet and sweet?
We all know that love must go through trial and error in order to move towards a more firm and stable direction, so conflict has become an inevitable process.
According to the bidirectional conflict management model proposed by K. Thomas in 1976, it mentions the five ways of conflict management, among which the avoidance coping method fully demonstrates the state of greedy patients who only want to enjoy the sweetness of love but are unwilling to face conflicts well.
For them, the departure of the passionate love period and the arrival of the break-in period represent the disappearance of love and the avoidance of conflicts, often leaving their emotional relationships in sweet moments and trapped in the curse of constantly changing partners and being unable to manage long-term relationships.
Defensive patients: as long as they don't care, they don't need to face the pain of loss
Defensive patients are actually the avoidant attachment mentioned in the famous attachment theory. They have a desire for intimacy, but they are afraid that overly intimate relationships will hurt them. In order to avoid facing the sadness of loss, they simply do not approach from the beginning.
They do not believe in the existence of long-term love in the world, nor do they believe in the existence of someone they can safely rely on. Therefore, once they smell the deepening of the relationship, they will flee, choose to maintain a fleeting relationship, and indulge in ambiguous relationships.
If you are also in a brief love cycle, you can try writing the following two questions to help you clarify which type of relationship you belong to:
What is the usual reason why I choose to leave a relationship?
To what extent am I usually willing to contribute to the relationship? Why?
People have been pursuing the power of stability and support throughout their lives, and this power will become your strongest support when facing challenges. Realizing your inner state, readjusting your habits, understanding your own difficulties, is the first door to long-term love.
