Post Date December, 03 2023
Many people believe that an intimate relationship is such a romantic thing - when two people first meet, the sky thunder triggers the earth fire, and they start an earthshaking relationship - in fact, an intimate relationship is very utilitarian. Yes, if you look at it from this perspective, you will find that it is indeed the case.
Biologists have done research and found that the standards of courtship for men and women are indeed based on the need for some basic "survival" models. And we often see that men can marry young and beautiful wives because of their wealth and power. Both parties are married or together on the basis of "utility" and mutual benefit.
In fact, to put it bluntly, if you don't actually help me in my life at all and make me feel bad about myself, why should I be with you? Unless we have been married and have children or have been together for a long time, and if I am not with you, I will pay a great price (stability, face, children, financial resources, pressure from relatives and friends, etc.), then I may reluctantly stay in this relationship. However, such a relationship will not last too long, because one party does not receive spiritual nourishment, depending on how much patience he has and how long he is willing to endure. That's why many Japanese women, after their children went to college, launched a family revolution and said they would no longer serve that bad old man - enough!!
In short, all intimate relationships and marriages are maintained by mutual benefit. The reason why we speak so plainly and cruelly is that with such a clear understanding, we can become more aware of maintaining a relationship that we cherish, rather than waiting for the other party to have an affair or break up their marriage or relationship before waking up without knowing what happened.
What have I brought to each other?
So, when we are with someone, we may want to think about what I have brought to them first. Does the other person gain happiness, happiness, or what he wants because he is with me? If you are a vested interest - tied by the shackles of marriage, the shackles of children, or financial advantages, moral constraints - then I am sorry, even if the other person does not leave, his heart has already run a hundred and eighty thousand miles away. One day, when he suddenly leaves, don't cry out and become a victim.
This is a topic that each of us must ponder carefully and calmly in our intimate relationships. What did you bring to the other party? Have you grown over the years? Have you made progress in all aspects and become more confident, or have you relied on the foundation of marriage and relationships as a foundation to constantly gnaw at it?
Unable to grow within, will die alone
I know a male friend who has a pretty good appearance and is also very talented. When I was young, I had many beautiful girlfriends. However, when he grew old, due to his stubborn personality and high self-esteem, his talent did not save him money, leading a relatively poor life. But the most important thing is that he has not developed himself well and has not been able to become a person with broad knowledge, interesting speech, personality, and endearing personality, so his chances of making friends are becoming less and less. There are actually many women who don't care if you have money, and not every woman is that realistic. "But if you don't have enough attraction yourself, why would someone want to be with someone like you who is old, has no money, and has no fun talking?"? Your appearance is aging year by year, and only within can you glow with attractive light. If you cannot focus on your inner growth, this person may be doomed to die alone.
Women of all ages are loved. There is a movie called "Harold and Maud", which tells the story of a young man in his twenties falling in love with an old woman in his seventies. It's not a fantasy. You can understand it once you read it. The young man's life was completely devoid of enthusiasm and motivation, and all he thought and pondered all day was death. However, this old lady is full of vitality and leads a full, happy, exciting and enjoyable life. The young people feel reborn because of being with her - they have regained the joy of life and know what real life is. Such feelings are understandable.
Expand your inner space and nourish each other's souls
For the average person, each of us searches for childhood regrets in intimate relationships. If you can give a person the kind of love they didn't get in their childhood: support, tolerance, understanding, and care, that person will never leave you. Before we can do this, we need a certain amount of wisdom. Only through reading, spiritual cultivation, introspection, and calmness can we gain the wisdom of life to interpret each other and understand their needs. In addition, if you are a person who constantly cultivates and reflects inwardly, you are also gradually expanding your inner space, allowing more room to accommodate each other and giving them the soul nourishment they need.
When your functionality gradually fades away - your child is finished, your career is successful, your family foundation is firmly established, and you are no longer young and beautiful - if you can continue to nourish the other person spiritually and psychologically: know each other, cherish each other, care for each other, and take care of yourself as a person who is very capable of living and has great interests, then your functionality can continue to maintain in this relationship, and your status is stable and unshakable!
