Post Date December, 02 2023
A perfect and lasting marriage should be a warm and essential oil. The tone is sweet and strong love, which harmonizes respect, understanding, and tolerance, while embellishing countless warm feelings and overflowing with fragrance.
Huang Weiren, a professor at Northwestern University's School of Medicine, has a reputation as "Doctor of Love.". In his book "The Secret of Living in Love", he pointed out that different understanding of marriage between the sexes leads to different satisfaction with marriage. Often when a husband gives a score of 7 for marital satisfaction, the wife only gives a score of 2. This is called the "temperature difference" in marriage. "Those who are willing to maintain their marriage need to have an objective understanding of their current marital status. Measuring the temperature of a marriage is a good method."
Like a person's body temperature, the ideal marriage temperature should be constant at around 37 degrees Celsius. Huang Weiren pointed out that such couples respect each other, respect each other, love each other, laugh happily on weekdays, and argue when they disagree, but they always find ways to understand each other and resolve conflicts in a reasonable way.
Everyone hopes for a vigorous and vigorous love. If marriage continues to heat up like this, it is easy to "get a fever" and burn each other. Huang Weiren believes that some couples always confront each other forcefully. Both of them have strong opinions and say what they have, and a quarrel can be even more emotional and loud. Emotionally, it is inevitable that people will speak angrily. If they fail to explain and communicate in a timely manner after the event, it can easily damage their partner's self-esteem. Some wives are too clingy, treating their husbands as "private property" and wishing to get bored together every day, demanding control of each other's every move, keeping the temperature of marriage at a high point. This psychological dependence precisely indicates that the wife's heart is empty or immature, and they hope that the other party can unconditionally accept themselves anytime, anywhere, and put themselves in the first place. However, in the adult world, using any form of coercion to meet one's psychological needs is not feasible.
And sometimes, the temperature of marriage can drop to freezing point. In this kind of marriage, the couple will avoid conflict for a long time, do not communicate when things happen, and the resentment in their hearts becomes deeper and deeper, eventually becoming "ice like meeting". There is an old saying in China that "grief is no greater than death of the heart." Couples avoid conflict because conflict can bring pain to both sides. But in the long run, it takes a lot of effort to heal marriage.
Therefore, in order to maintain a perfect marriage temperature, it is most important to learn and be good at communication. Huang Weiren believes that communication is to express one's own ideas and learn from the other party's ideas, rather than being negative or personal. For example, if a husband wants to go out for entertainment and the wife is not happy, she can complain and say, "You've been out a lot lately, we haven't had dinner together for a long time, and I'm very lonely." This is a complaint, and the wife spoke frankly about the troubles caused by her husband's going out. "But if your wife says angrily, 'You always do this, just go out and play on your own.'" That becomes accusation. ". To change the status of a partner who is too sticky, on the one hand, it is necessary to truthfully tell the other party that they need independent space and social activities, which are generally acceptable to understanding partners. On the other hand, encourage them to cultivate their interests and social circles.
In addition, a study by John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington, found that men who help their wives wash the dishes and express their emotions are happier in marriage and live longer. Although it is not yet possible to explain the reason for this study more scientifically, one thing can be confirmed that as long as the husband can do so and speak boldly, it will be helpful for marriage.
Test your "marriage temperature"
Want to know your "marriage temperature"? You may wish to do the following test questions. This test, designed by Dr. Stanley, a psychologist at the University of Denver, is recognized as the simplest and most effective "marriage thermometer.". Please rate yourself based on the following 8 conditions after comparison.
A small dispute suddenly turned into a big fight, with each other fiercely scolding each other and turning over old accounts.
"My lover will ignore my opinions, feelings, and needs.".
My words or actions are often considered malicious by my partner.
4. When there are issues that need to be resolved, we always seem to take a hostile stance.
5. I cannot naturally tell my partner what I really think and feel.
6. I often fantasize about what it would be like to change a lover?
7. In a marriage relationship, I feel very lonely.
8. When we quarrel, one party is always unwilling to talk anymore and starts evading or leaving the scene.
The scoring standard is that if each question is "never" or "rarely occurs," a score of 1 point will be counted; "Occasional occurrence" scores 2 points; "Frequent occurrence" scores 3 points. When you add up the scores on each question, if the total score is between 8 and 12 points, it indicates that your marriage temperature is constant and healthy. If the total score is between 13 and 17, your marriage needs to be vigilant. If the total score exceeds 18, it indicates that your marriage needs to be adjusted immediately.
